My Conversion

My conversion was not something that happened overnight. It was a process that started long before I actually entered into the Catholic church and continued over many years. Here is my story.

I was raised a Baptist. We went to church every time the door was open. My dad was a deacon in the church and my mom was the church secretary. I sang in the choir, taught Sunday School - you name it - I did it. I need to back track here a little - I was "saved" when I was six years old - not because I wanted to give my life to the Lord - which I did - but because I knew it was expected of me. Let me explain - I had actually asked Jesus to be my Savior earlier and did not tell anyone for a long time. I "walked the aisle" and made a public profession of faith during a revival that my church was having because I felt pressure from my parents and others in the church. It was time. Baptism soon followed and I am sure my parents felt relief to know that their next-to-the-youngest child had been born again and was assured of a place in heaven. However, something was not right and I could not explain it. I was uncomfortable and knew, even at such a young age, that I needed something else. I was a very deep thinker as a young child. I studied people and was a quiet observer of life. I pondered things that most six-year-old kids were oblivious to. "She is way too serious" was what my parents were told on more than one occasion by my school teachers. I had a very deep love of the Lord and wanted to serve him. I even imagined myself as a missionary some day, but I still had this uneasy feeling in the pit of my soul that something was not right. I needed more. I could not find true peace. I told myself for many years that when I was grown and on my own, I would find a different church.

In junior high school my best friend was the daughter of a Methodist minister and I went to a lot of her church's activities. The church services were more structured and reverent than what I was used to and I liked it, but I still had the feeling there was something more for me. I was confused.

It was about this time that I came across a time-line of Christianity and it showed the beginning of different religions. I remember studying this chart quite extensively and wondering about the reasons different groups would split from each other. This did nothing but add to my conviction that the religious training I was receiving was not the whole truth.

Fast forward to my sophomore year in high school. I met a handsome senior boy and fell head over heels in love with him. We dated for four years and then we got married. He was 21 and I was 19 and in college. Oh did I mention he was Catholic? My parents were not thrilled, but he was such a friendly young man and came from a really nice family. He treated me like a princess. My parents learned to love him. I was not completely sold on the Catholic Church at this time, but I attended Mass with my new husband because I felt it was important to worship God together. He was very devout and I knew he would never leave his church. Again, my parents were not happy, however, my mom told me years later that she would rather I attend the Catholic Church with my husband and children than not go at all, which was what my brother was doing.

I will admit at first I had some doubts about the Catholic religion and was not sure if I would ever join the church, so being the quiet observer, I sat back and watched. We had a son and he was baptized Catholic. I started visiting with the priest in our parish and he gave me some books about the Catholic faith to read. Now during all this time I continued to pray for that missing puzzle piece. I was still looking for the inner peace that I was certain was out there somewhere. I became pregnant with our second child, a daughter. It was important to me that my little family worship as a unit and so I decided to join the church at the same time our new little girl was baptized. Our priest was wonderful, but was very elderly and not much on spending a lot of time in the classroom. My instruction consisted of reading a couple of books and that was it. It was almost like I was on my own as far as learning about the Catholic faith. This was how it was for several years. My next two daughters were born and baptized into the Church. When the children were old enough to go to school, we sent them to Catholic school. We were active in church and school activities - the model Catholic family. It was comfortable.

It wasn't until my kids started their religion classes at school that I truly started grasping what it really meant to be Catholic. I guess I was beginning to see our religion through their eyes and it was truly wonderful. I had a hunger to become more in tune with my faith and started studying more and more on my own. The more I read, the more I knew I was onto something. It all was beginning to make sense. I even started praying the rosary!! Life went on this way for several years.

And then my world fell apart. My husband died very suddenly. He was only 47. I could write a book about my journey since then. There were so many different emotions and feelings and I will admit that there were many days I did not want to get out of bed. BUT - Never, ever did I feel that God was not beside me. AND my church has been beside me. I have such a wonderful support group and my family has been a true blessing. I have grown so much and I have learned to pray and to let Jesus carry my burdens.

Lately I have been reading every Scott Hahn book I can get my hands on and going to Bible study. The more I learn, the more I KNOW that the Catholic Church is Christ's true church. The uneasy feeling I had for years is gone. What is most exciting for me - I now am certain of the truth and I have found the peace I have been searching for my entire life. I love everything about the Catholic Church. I am looking forward to the rest of my journey!!